Verse and Worse!
ELETELEPHONYOnce there was an elephant,
Who tried to use the telephant -
No! No! I mean an elephone
Who tried to use the telephone -
(Dear me! I am not certain quite
That even now I've got it right.)
Howe'er it was, he got his trunk
Entangled in the telephunk;
The more he tried to get it free,
The louder buzzed the telephee -
(I fear I'd better drop the song
Of elephop and telephong!)
-- Laura E. Richards (1850-1943)
THE GUINEA-PIG
There was a little guinea-pig,
Who, being little, was not big;
He always walked upon his feet,
And never fasted when he eat.
When from a place he ran away,
He never at that place did stay;
When he ran, as I am told,
He ne'er stood still for young or old.
He often squeaked and sometimes vi'lent,
And when he squeaked he ne'er was silent;
Though ne'er instructed by a cat,
He knew a mouse was not a rat.
One day, as I am certified,
He took a whim and fairly died;
And, as I'm told by men of sense,
He never has been living since.
THE PLOVER AND THE CLOVER
The Plover and the Clover can be
told apart with ease,
By paying close attention to the
habits of the Bees,
For En-to-molo-gists aver, the Bee
can be in Clover,
While Ety-molo-gists concur,
there is no B in Plover.
-- Robert Williams Wood
THE DIFFERENCE'Twixt optimist and pessimist
The difference is droll:
The optimist sees the doughnut;
The pessimist sees the hole.
-- McLandburg Wilson, 1915
LIMERICKS
I wish that my room had a floor;
I don't care so much for a door.
But this walking around
Without touching the ground
Is getting to be quite a bore.
-- Gelett Burgess
A flea and a fly in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly, "Let us flee."
Said the flea, "Let us fly."
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
There was a young lady of Bright
Who could travel much faster than light.
She set off one day,
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.
AND OTHER NONSENSE!
I eat my peas with honey,
I've done it all my life:
It makes them taste quite funny,
But it keeps them on the knife.
As I was climbing up the stair
I met a man who wasn't there;
He wasn't there again to-day:
Oh, how I wish he'd go away!
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